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The Greatest Tragedy in Tennis History

June 1, 2009

In no uncertain terms, tennis sucks to the American sports fan. Generally, it may have something to do with the game’s history deeply rooted in French cultural and historical roots. That can’t be helped. But, there are many decisions made by the stakeholders of this sport that do considerable damage to the ratings of tennis on American television. The best example of this in the history of tennis is the 17-year old Simona Halep of Romania who has been “racking” up wins in junior leagues and is now poised to take her place in the world of professional tennis. The only problem is that it won’t include her 34DD breasts.

Sweet Jesus.

Sweet Jesus.

As you might have guessed the 5’5″ young Romanian is a bit top heavy. This inevitably will be a problem when she enters the faster, more difficulty professional level of play. Far be it from me to tell the tennis community how to handle the problem, but wouldn’t it be worth it to have her keep the “originals” and just lose more often? It would be good for ratings, especially in this country known for its particular fetish for large chested women, and it’s not like there has never been a woman who was so bad at tennis that you wondered why she was even allowed to play save for her appearance.

Let’s take a look at her announcement made to a Romanian sports blog a few days ago.

I do not believe that physical appearance has an effect on performance, so I help with anything in the sport. My mind bust when I go on the field and even if I were sporting, I would have felt very good. Inconvenience me, it’s very hard with them. It’s a weight in addition to confound me speed response. I can not go on very well. Shoot me down. Nothing in life is not like me even though sport was not all I was doing surgery. Surgical intervention should take place last year, but probably will use it in autumn, because the postponement might cause problems in the column.

I have yet to determine if the translation to English is a failure of Google’s or of the blog, but it makes for a interesting quote nonetheless. Although, I am not quite sure what “column” means in the last sentence but suffice it to say we only have until this Fall to get a view of her current image.

Will I mourn Halep’s decion? No.

But, I think its important to mark this down as yet another example of tennis’ refusal to accommodate American audiences by working behind the scenes to force a young girl to go against her own wishes and play a sport in pain so that millions of men can watch a sport they don’t understand how to play. God Bless America.

...and Romania

...and Romania

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