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Only Real Winners Have Sex With Themselves

July 8, 2009

You know how can watch one video on YouTube and before you know it, you have wasted hours on the computer and you’re now watch monkeys fling shit at each other? Of course you do. All videos on YouTube eventually lead you there, it’s okay I watched it twice too. But, this post isn’t about feces (for once). No my friends, it’s about the Air Sex Championships. Yes, that was plural. If you do some quick research you will learn that these championships have been held all over the country. Have you ever heard of air guitar? Yea, kinda like that. Now instead of watching pre-teens dance to the latest hip-hop song on YouTube I can watch this and feel less creepy. Have I said too much?

While you may be tempted just to watch a few minutes of the first video I post of the Championships in action, trust me, you are going to want to watch the whole thing.

Here are some highlights in this first video:
-At (0:12) the host gets really into what looks like a crowded party in the basement of a frat house, take a good look at him because I make fun of him later.
-At (0:49) a girl can’t decide whether she is bored or frightened, but at (0:53) I think she sneezes.
-At (1:12) the crowd experiences something similar to Gallagher’s famous watermelon act.
-At (1:18) memories of my junior prom come flooding back to me, wait (1:26) that’s more like it.
-At (1:32) Moby fucks the shit out of Judge Sotomayor (if Moby ever had sex and if Sotomayor was 25 years younger).
-At (1:52) this video becomes disturbing but I suddenly have a desire to watch Kill Bill 2.
-At (2:21) the host really starts enjoying the show, what is up with this guy?

I just realized who the host of that show must be. I think Zach Galifianakis and Matisyahu had a baby.

So, as I expected you are hungary for more. Well, luckily for you, there is more. Here’s another one worth watching from a round during the Air Sex Championships in Austin, Texas. By the way, the last one you just saw happened on June 10th in Washington D.C.

Anyway, my point is this: We live in a great country. Sure, we have lots of problems and maybe some unhealthy addictions to celebrities and violence among other things. But, the fact that I can sit back (and only watch, I swear) and enjoy these great acts of American ingenuity and sexual freedom proves how lucky we all are. Oh, and if you want to see more videos, you can go here. Now, if there was only some way to combine my love for air guitar with my new love for air sex…

This is the reason why I wake up every morning to practice.

This is the reason why I wake up every morning to practice.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. Neil permalink
    July 8, 2009 12:29 am

    amazing. Greenberg. amazing.

    I’m sure you’re getting ready for next years competition.

    • Samuel permalink*
      July 8, 2009 12:40 am

      you bet your sweet ass I am.

  2. July 8, 2009 10:38 am

    Lawl air sex, you never gonna hear it all…

  3. July 8, 2009 2:42 pm

    I definitely read an article and watched a video on the same event earlier this morning. Did you hear about it from Asylum.com?

  4. Samuel permalink*
    July 8, 2009 3:49 pm

    No, there was a small mention of it on another site and after some fun investigation on YouTube this post was born.

  5. Amanda permalink
    July 9, 2009 10:53 am

    Fair enough, good sir.

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