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I Don’t Care If Obama Was Born in Tijuana

August 5, 2009

I fully acknowledge that writing about the Birther movement is like beating a dead horse. Alright, that’s too kind. It’s more like raping a dead horse and selling the carcass to a glue factory. But, while I may be the one raping the horse, there’s one woman propping the body up in a perfume-doused chair and setting it out on the corner for more non-consensual man-horse relations. Here’s my point. The unofficial leader behind this madness, Orly Taitz, whose name sounds remarkably similar to Oily Taints, has been on every media outlet that will have her… and that’s pretty much all of them. Nothing improves ratings like a pinch of bat-shit crazy. I have a lot of problems with this movement beyond the sheer illegitimacy of it. Let’s start with the name: “Birthers.” A birther sounds like a person who gives birth. Okay, great. But then, that also seems to imply that somebody would have sex with Orly Taitz and at that point the logic of the name completely breaks down. Regardless of the fact that Obama was born on US soil, we are failing to stop and look around at how many Americans simply don’t care. I don’t care where my president was born or who his (or her) parents are. Also, Lou Dobbs is a dick.

Everybody is taking a dump on Lou Dobbs. Well, not me. I prefer to piss on the man (and I would if it weren’t for Chuck Norris). Usually I wouldn’t say it so crudely, but only a post about the Birther movement could get me to write about both piss and shit. Anyway, Lou Dobbs is getting a lot of credit for building legitimacy for the movement despite its small size and lack of evidence. I don’t think that’s fair. Generally, it’s the critics that give attention to the art. In other words, people like me are the reason the world is a worse place.

Those in the Birther movement who make sweet love to Section 1 in Article II have some of the strangest ways of looking at the world. If you haven’t seen the Orly Taitz interview with Stephen Colbert, you really should. She compares Obama to both Hitler and Stalin. Keep in mind that at the same time Ann Coulter, of all people, has called people like members of the Birther movement “cranks.”

This movement will never succeed in the United States simply because it can never move beyond fringe status. Instead of making legitimate arguments for its cause, it is paralyzed by a painfully transparent attempt to remove a president solely because of his political ideology. Even Ms. Taitz needs a introductory class in civics; she has repeatedly said that a president’s parents must both be citizens. Not only is that wrong, but it also makes me wonder why they aren’t trying to have Chester A. Arthur’s grave moved to a dumpster (only one of his parents was a US citizen).

Oh, and have you heard of US Army Major Stefan Cook? If you are too timid to shoot yourself in the foot or go AWOL then don’t bring your country down with you.

In case you have never seen Obama’s birth certificate, here it is. In all it’s Hawaiian glory. Please take note that I am upset that I even have to post this.

This document is certified. Ms. Taitz is certifiable.

I’m not the only one here at PLS with a grudge against the Birthers. You can read Matt’s post, although decidedly less direct than mine, with all the hyperbole and metaphors that you can swallow.

It’s time we rethink Section 1 of Article II. If any document has a section like that one which can bring out stupidity this extreme, it needs to be removed. The intent of the fifth clause in Section 1 no longer has any importance. The American people have voted qualified leaders into public office again and again. They are Americans by choice; how can that not be more valuable than Americans with tacit consent? How can we truly continue to believe that our presidents are not fit to serve simply because of their birthplace? If Orly Taitz had made a similar judgement about herself, she would be forced to shut the fuck up.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. r_sam permalink
    August 5, 2009 1:30 am

    “It’s more like raping a dead horse and selling the carcass to a glue factory. But, while I may be the one raping the horse, there’s one woman propping the body up in a perfumed doused chair and setting it out on the corner for more non-consensual man-horse relations”

    classic Sam.

    also, though i doubt many inconsoluable nincompoops (im being nice) read this, FactCheck.org has a solid piece on Obama’s birth certificate (http://www.factcheck.org/elections-2008/born_in_the_usa.html)

  2. August 5, 2009 2:14 pm

    This is all silly business, but why do we have to re-think the 5th clause of Section I Article II?

    “The American people have voted qualified leaders into public office again and again.”

    Have we? I’m sure you were on the side that hailed Bush the anti-Christ of America, and frankly I’m not too fond of him either. But this statement seems to hold the American people in high esteem, as though they actually check their premises of whom they’re going to vote on. Yet, why was McCain – easily the worst Republican to be nominated – so popular? Because people thought he was a good guy, because people thought he seemed honest, and all that shit. Hell maybe he was.

    But liberals are quick to point out this is the idiocy of Republicans per-se, or that this is our fault. Yet liberals, democrats, and other socially minded make their judgments on the same appeals. An appeal for empathy on the poor class is an appeal for those in need which is primarily based an albeit greater feeling of empathy. Though I wouldn’t be quick to call it empathy, and think it’s an ugly form of Marxism. Don’t get me wrong – it’s not nearly as serious as true Marxism but I find it similar at times.

    What I mean to say is that I don’t necessarily think Americans are all that credible. No doubt, the republic is the only way to rule, but Americans don’t really care to check who and why they’re voting for someone, but would rather vote for someone like they cheer on their favorite sports team. Frankly, let’s be honest with ourselves, and ask if so many voters really would have been out there cheering on Obama if A.) He wasn’t black B.) Had a great follow-through message of hope&change — something ralliers could really scream their lungs about.

    Still – I ask people when they have an opinion on politics what their ideal form of government is, and most look at me blankly or evade the question. Now mind you, I’ve never taken a government course in my life, so I may come off as ignorant in the discussion myself, but yet I find myself with a more formulated opinion than that who I’m asking. You’re so crazy about Clinton, Obama, McCain, but why is that? Do they represent your ideal government? What is your ideal government? How will they change that?

    All in all, the moment we start taking in outsiders to lead our country truly would be the end of our already greatly diminished patriotism. Have we know pride to remember that we’re a nation of millions with thousands upon thousands are very well educated men? I don’t necessarily think blind-patriotism is a good thing, but I would like to see us hold an American integrity together such that we only elect those that are our own. You would put way too many people up in arms about what has this country come to when we’re electing a non-American to rule the country.

    I’m not saying it wouldn’t work — look at the past how many Emperors came to rule an empire they had not even been born into. I can’t remember off the top of my head, but one of Rome’s actual good Emperors was not a Roman himself if I remember correctly. But let’s not re-think the constitution which was written solely with the purpose of protecting the individuals. One minor change opens the flood gates for more changes. I’d hate for it to come to that just in the name of “progression”.

  3. Samuel permalink*
    August 5, 2009 2:44 pm

    You make a lot of good points but I take issue with:

    “All in all, the moment we start taking in outsiders to lead our country truly would be the end of our already greatly diminished patriotism.”

    Consider the country’s first patriots. All of them were born to a different nation. Our nation can never be anything other than a nation of other nations. Does the place of birth really make somebody a citizen of a country? Can a man who has lived 99% of his life in one nation, be accused of de facto allegiance to the other 1% simply because of an event not of his choosing? I consider “outsiders” to be people who live in our country but seek to progress an agenda which does not take into account the American people. Rarely do politicians fit this definition because of the nature of coalition building, which is needed to become an elected candidate in the United States in most if not all cases.

    In my opinion the best government is one that provides all the essentials to its people (healthcare, military defense, opportunity) and limits itself of social controls that inhibit natural freedoms (sodomy laws, curfews, internet usage). Do we have the perfect government? No. But we must never forget that man is not perfect and that government is a product of man. I only know one thing about perfection, and that is that it doesn’t come from imperfect beings.

  4. mark a joslin permalink
    August 5, 2009 8:36 pm

    Haha, it’s true, you’re right – those indians just weren’t fit for political leadership.

    “Can a man who has lived 99% of his life in one nation, be accused of de facto allegiance to the other 1% simply because of an event not of his choosing? I consider “outsiders” to be people who live in our country but seek to progress an agenda which does not take into account the American people. Rarely do politicians fit this definition because of the nature of coalition building, which is needed to become an elected candidate in the United States in most if not all cases.”

    We’re on the same page here, and if that’s what you mean by it, then I’m with you. It’s always been a huge melting pot and doesn’t seem like it’s slowed down any in some respects.

    I’m with you on the government (though I’m sure we’re disaggreeable on some parts) too. Healthcare is a beast of an issue, and we’d be likely to butt heads there but that’s not really necessary. I’m one to focus on the monetary side of things. If we can keep taxes reasonable (preferably lower naturally), and stay debt free, then that really is an ideal government.

    Ah well, good stuff. I’ll save another rant for another post, I gotta go sperm shark a few people (hilarious find by the way)

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